sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
