We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
