She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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