we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
