i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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