garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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