drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
