We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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