Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
