Got a toothbrush?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
