"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
