You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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