u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
