Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
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