Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I intend to get homeless drunk
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
