My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
