Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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