so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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