Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
