Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
