Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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