no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
