Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
