We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
