You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
