I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
