Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
