If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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