you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
