I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
