This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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