i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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