now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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