By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
