carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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