My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
