i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
