so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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