i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
