I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
