a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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