so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
