Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
