Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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