Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
