Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
