If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
