Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
