i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
