Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
