Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
